Truisms

1. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
(guess i shoulda changed this to boyfriend but hey, my husband might read this)

2. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

3. How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?

4. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

5. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

6. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

7. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

8. Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

9. I intend to live forever…. so far so good.

10. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

11. Eagles may soar; but weasels don’t suck into jet engines.

12. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

13. My mechanic told me. “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

14. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

15. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

16. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

17. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

18. The hardness of the butter is inversely proportional to the softness of the bread.

19. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

20. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

21. The cooler the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

22. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.

23. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

24. If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

25. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.